Grohns

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  • STARLIGHT EXCESS

    We are not here to talk about the Tonys.
    We are here to discuss a very important album release.

    But… if we were going to talk about the Tonys—just for a second—we’d have to say:

    Weren’t they fucking great?!
    It was a phenomenal year. And yes, our ballot performed… poorly. But only because there were no fewer than eight shows we would’ve happily seen win on any of their nominations. We didn’t lose—we just begrudgingly chose one winner per slot.

    And look, we have to mention: Cynthia Fucking. Killed. It.

    Also: GROHN UP Broadway would like to gently remind everyone that we agreed to talk about literally anything but Hamilton—and yet, here we are, watching that clip for the 47th time.

    Oh, and the committee’s Tony watch party? Incredible. No time to get into it. Except to say this: Pin the Bratty Tails on Mary was, frankly, a triumph of party design. Everyone won.

    BUT WE’RE NOT HERE TO TALK ABOUT THAT.

    (We’re here to talk about a surprise dance remix album. Obviously.)

    While we were (rightly) distracted by Tony season, that cocky bastard ALW went and dropped a Starlight Express Deluxe album—in the midst of his own campaigning for, and winning, yet another Tony statuette on Sunday for Sunset Blvd.

    Why does this matter?

    Well, dear: the entire second disc is REMIXES.
    Yes, ALW released a DJ SET OF STARLIGHT EXPRESS.

    This is incredible news for many reasons, but chiefly because this release speaks directly to one of the GROHNs’ (many) internal dramas.

    Without getting too far into the details… let us simply recall the full-page memo—signed by every committee (except the Nomination Committee)—politely requesting:

    “The Nomination Committee stop having ‘OTHER’ hobbies that interfere with GROHNs operations.”

    Yes, that memo. And wouldn’t you know it—this very concept (dance floor meets musical) was explicitly named in that memo as a potential bridge between the Committee’s theatrical responsibilities and their:

    “…deep and mysterious commitment to dance floors that don’t involve showtunes.”

    But back to this amazing album. If we have one complaint, it’s that this masterpiece is not in German—which, for those of us who believe Starlight Express should only be experienced in its most chaotic, plot-flaw-drowning, roller-fever glory—the sheer quantity of understandable lyrics is a slight letdown.

    Wo ist die dampfbetriebene Ekstase?!

    But despite this flaw, this 30-minute dance set is way more important than whatever you were doing.

    So lace up those skates and we’ll see you on the dancefloor.

    [Said in a sponsor-y tone]: Available wherever you pretend to work while listening to showtunes.

  • Behind the Jazz Hands: The Blood, Sweat, and Showtunes of Making GROHN Up Broadway

    By the GROHN Awards Committee
     (Still emotionally recovering, thanks for asking.)

    Creating a Broadway revue isn’t some casual side project the GROHN Awards Committee whipped together between matinees. Sure, we used spreadsheets, intricate scoring systems, and passion-fueled debates—but this revue needed to be more than a playlist of bangers. It had to be a story: a journey with structure, emotion, and a deep love for the artform.

    This is the true tale of how it got made—and how 73 incredible songs from 24 musicals entered the arena, but only 15 survived.

    🗂 The Process: Every Musical. Every Song. Every Feeling.

    We started by reviewing every musical of relevance to the GROHN Committee from the past decade—Broadway, Off-Broadway, international, and beyond. The only requirement: a cast recording available on Spotify. (Sorry, Smash & Boop! )

    From there, we shortlisted songs that felt like the very best of what musical theatre has to offer. Each was scored based on a chaotic cocktail of rigorous criteria and unfiltered emotion:

    • How well the song exemplified one (or more) of the classic musical song types.
      (Yes, we defined the categories. You’re welcome.)
    • How much the committee loved the song or show.
      (Subjectivity embraced. No regrets.)
    • How clean the recording was.
      (Dialogue-heavy intros, intrusive applause, and incidental music often hurt scores.)
    • Where and how the committee first experienced the song.
      (Bad seats and missing leads? Fatal. Center orchestra with perfect lighting? Boosted the score by 1–3 emotional points.)

    💔 The Shortlist Bloodbath: 73 Songs. 14 Slots.

    Once the shortlist was in place—73 songs across 14 categories—the heartbreak began.

    Some categories were overflowing (there were nine opening numbers!), and some had multiple songs scoring equally high. But crafting a satisfying revue meant more than just selecting our favorites. We had to consider tone, pacing, balance, and musical diversity. We couldn’t stack the revue with only ballads, only belters, or only tracks the committee sings in the shower.

    We also had to show deserving love to 2025: all four Tony-nominated shows the committee actually liked are represented. (Sorry, Redwood. You may now fade into obscurity.)

    A few fun facts:

    • Most shortlisted songs were from Act I—because let’s be honest, Act II is where even the best musicals get… wonky.
    • Several shows had a slew of shortlisted songs, the committee can’t stop/won’t stop loving on some favorites of this decade: Kimberly Akimbo, Six, Some Like It Hot, and newcomers Death Becomes Her & Maybe Happy Ending.
    • Teeth and Ghost Quartet each got a song shortlisted, proving that following emerging writers off-Broadway (or into the woods) pays off.

    🏆 The Finalists: Glorious, Glittery, and Gone

    Here’s a shoutout to the runners-up—songs that came so close and absolutely deserve their flowers:

    • Ex-Wives – Six (Opening Number): A high-octane intro with character reveals and confetti cannon on standby.
    • Child of the Philippines – Here Lies Love (“I Am” Song): Our panty-dropping antagonist’s arrival in a standout immersive banger.
    • World Within My Room – Maybe Happy Ending (“I Am” Song / Opening Number): Lyrical, lovely, and effortless world-building.
    • Make a Wish – Kimberly Akimbo (“I Want” Song): A sweet, sincere declaration of longing that won the committee’s hearts.
    • Don’t Bet Your Heart – Lempicka (Inciting Incident Song): A sex-oozing barn burning entrance that launches love and plot in one.
    • Tell Me, Ernest – Death Becomes Her (Inciting Incident Song): Our leading frenemies lock horns and ignite the plot.
    • Better – Kimberly Akimbo (Secondary Character / Subplot Song): A scene-stealing entrance that left the committee stunned.
    • When the Chips Are Down – Hadestown (Secondary Character / Subplot Song): The Fates triple-team the spotlight in tight harmony and tighter attitude.
    • Work of Art – Everybody’s Talking About Jamie (Act 1 Company Number): A fierce mid-act drag fantasy with sparkle and strut.
    • Omar Sharif – The Band’s Visit (Internal Conflict Ballad): A haunting, lyrical memory piece that hypnotizes.
    • Why We Build the Wall – Hadestown (Act One Finale): The villain takes control and ensures we’re all in, emotionally and thematically. And YES, this song was written well before 45’s first term!
    • Me and the Sky – Come From Away (11 O’Clock Number): One woman’s powerful breakout in a sea of ensemble storytelling.

    ✨ The Revue, the Love Letter

    GROHN Up Broadway isn’t just a revue—it’s a curated journey. A love letter to modern musical theatre. A glitter-filled, gut-punching, harmony-drenched tour through what we think the past decade has given us at its best.

    And if your favorite didn’t make the final 15? Don’t worry. Your version would probably be fine too, probably…

    Oh—and if you’re like us and want the full 73-song shortlist on shuffle while you go about your dramatic little life, you can find it on Spotify too!